There’s no place like home. A common catchphrase and when sung by Marianas Trench my favorite song for the last few years.
This phrase came to mind quite often as I visited home over the weekend. I live closer to my hometown than I have since leaving five years ago but still not so close as to make it easily accessible. I was unable to get home for Christmas this year but enjoyed my time spent here with my sister. Work was more than willing to give me a less in demand weekend off in January and my parents were delighted to have me for the first time since September. They have been up to visit but I haven’t been home so I was super pumped to see my dog again.
While a short visit it was enjoyable. My grandmother recently had surgery so visits with her were spent checking to see that she was okay as well as applying eye drops. I got to visit my home church and it went surprisingly well. It was good to see the older people in my church and let them know that I miss them. I stopped in to see old coworkers and visited old haunts. I spent the boat ride with two of my dear friends from high school and their infant son. I’m not a babies person but I find their son precious.
I got to pet SO many dogs, oh my goodness. My parents have two dogs, my best friend has two dogs AND a cat, and my honorary mother has two dogs. I was in heaven. My dog is 9 and still as silly as ever. She’s become better at cuddling though which makes sleeping easier.
While at home I had Adele’s Hello stuck in my head which just made me laugh really. I watched the Def Leppard movie with my family and listened to the hair metal channel with my dad. We took the scenic (mostly) plowed roads back to my current home and arrived in time for my evening shift.
I’m sorry for the delay in this week’s blog post and the lack of grist it contains. Right now I’m avoiding cleaning, listening to music, trying to remember how to cook proper meals, and piecing together a Young Adult novel in the making. I hope you are well and please let me know what you think of the new theme.
Teach your son to be kind to himself. Teach him to be kind to other people. Teach your son that his body is good for all kinds of things.
I was on break at work today when my sister and father simultaneously texted me that David Bowie had passed away at the age of 69 after an 18-month battle with cancer. I was crushed. I was shocked. I was/am in denial. He just released an album. He just celebrated his birthday. I was starting to build up hope that maybe he would tour again after all. I got into David Bowie after he stopped touring and while I respected that decision I still held onto hope for that once in a lifetime chance.
I’m not sure if there are words for what that man means to me but I will try. I was introduced to David Bowie in middle school by my favorite band My Chemical Romance. They brought up David Bowie frequently in interviews and had covered Under Pressure with The Used. On a trip to the mainland I picked up Best of Bowie as a logical introduction and my life was changed. Who was this magical creature that could sing of such fantastical worlds with such a grip on real conflict and emotions? Who was this unapologetic stage performer who gave the middle finger to gender roles and colouring inside the lines? He was everything I needed as a weird, angry, performance artist of a teenager and I dove in head first.
David Bowie was common ground at my house. My father loved rock and roll, my mother preferred gospel music, and I loved rock and metal (especially of the glam variety). While I never could get them into Demon Hunter or Semi Precious Weapons we could all agree that David Bowie was a musical staple in the house and in the car. The more I read about him and the more albums I listened to (The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars will always have a special place in my heart) the more I fell in love. David Bowie was my first example of someone I didn’t want to be but someone who showed me it was still okay to be me. Unapologetically and skillfully.
Caitlin Moran recently wrote an article 10 Things Every Teenage Girl Should Know and number 9 has been on my mind since his birthday just a few days ago. “When in doubt, listen to David Bowie. In 1968, Bowie was a gay, ginger, bonk-eyed, snaggle-toothed freak walking around south London in a dress, being shouted at by thugs. Four years later, he was still exactly that- but everyone else wanted to be like him, too. If David Bowie can make being David Bowie cool, you can make being you cool. PLUS, unlike David Bowie, you get to listen to David Bowie for inspiration. So you’re one up on him, really. YOU’RE ALREADY ONE AHEAD OF DAVID BOWIE.”
David Bowie gave us queer kids a stable rock in our small town seas. He showed us it was okay to be weird and to dance anyway. He was an amazingly talented and created individual. Part of me wants this all to be a stunt. If he came back two weeks from now I wouldn’t even be mad. No matter if this was really the end of a legend or just another Bowie moment, thank you.
To leave things on a light note, check out the website http://www.supbowie.com and type in your age to see what David Bowie had accomplished by the time he was your age. Go back to the Moran quote and know that we’re all in this together.
2015. I can’t believe it’s finally over. I have lived in three different towns since I last posted here. As I moved from the university town I was given gifts from cherished co-workers at the coffee shop. One of these gifts was a journal. On the first page my friend had written “At any given moment you have the power to say ‘this is not how the story is going to end’.” Those words have stuck with me through a pretty bleak year.
In 2015 I moved back to my hometown without really knowing where to go next. I had struck out on grad schools once again and was broke from a recent road trip to Newfoundland. I got a job working at the grocery store back home and tried to figure out where to go next. Should I go up North to work in a youth centre? Work at a shelter in Halifax? A women’s shelter in Saskatchewan? I applied everywhere and nothing appeared to be working. So I worked at the grocery store and tried to keep sane.
That’s another thing that will always stand out to me about 2015. On Boxing Day of 2014 I had my first psychotic episode. I spent the night locked up in my bedroom convinced there was a demon in the kitchen waiting to suck my soul into hell. This was the start of the some of the longest and darkest months of my life. I was convinced that many of my friends and complete strangers on the street had been over taken by demons that were coming to corrupt me. I was afraid to look in the mirror, convinced that I was also a demon. After some tough love from one of my dearest friends I sought professional help. I also reached out to friends who I knew also lived with mental health issues and slowly but surely started piecing the world back together. Things are by no means perfect now but I am in a much better place than I was a year ago.
My sister graduated from university this past spring. She was looking for a roommate to stay with her in the city. My time on the island had been very healing. Many loose ties were finally resolved and I reconnected with old friends and family. When I originally left in high school I ran without looking back. This time it felt like I was choosing to leave with bridges still intact. I decided to go for broke and moved to a city on the mainland with her to try and find employment in my field. I ended up working at the same chain of coffee shops but also picked up a part-time job working at a comic book store. Both jobs have proved to be a wonderful experience.
Moving to a place with more than two streetlights has been an experience but one I am glad I decided to try. It has been learning experience after learning experience and a journey of self discovery and an eye opener of the world around me. If there are any other coming of age cliches you can think of please feel free to insert them here as well. I’ve been keeping a journal again and that is helping to keep my mental health in a more stable condition. I am editing my novel from high school and working on a new writing project as well. I have made a goal to try and write a blog post at least once a week so here’s hoping for hard work and lots of writing in the new year. I am applying to grad schools once again but this time in the field of social work. I hope everyone who comes across this got to see a cute dog today, felt the sun on their face, and read a good book.
Take care lovelies.
1. You will probably have an extremely tough exterior that others find difficult to break through.
2. But your interior is very soft and it’s actually the easiest thing in the world to make you emotional. You’re just careful with who you reveal those emotions to.
3. Being vulnerable with people will always be a slightly terrifying experience for you. Probably because you realized early on just how awful people can be.
4. You’ll always be slightly guarded about revealing things in your childhood to people because you don’t want to be looked at differently.
5. You cannot stand to watch especially children being made fun of, in any shape or form.
6. You believe that being bullied made you stronger but you know it also made you very weary and cautious of people as a primary instinct.
7. You just can’t help but get involved when you see someone…
View original post 272 more words
1. Alcohol will not disinfect your internal wounds, no matter how much it stings on the way down.
2. You cannot save someone who is lost in themselves, no matter how hard you try. Likewise, you are the only one who can save yourself.
3. Some people believe in a God, or many Gods, and some do not. This has no effect whatsoever on how good of a person they are, on if their marriage will work, or on how they may try to right any wrongs they have committed. Get to know people for who they are, not what they believe.Driving 120 kilometers an hour down a rural highway with Johnny Cash riding shotgun will not make things better but it will ease the pain more than another day spent alone in the dark.
4. Don’t cut into your arms thinking you will sow pure relief after planting the blade. Relief…
View original post 758 more words